Guest Blogger Denise Swanson

Some people wish for glamour in their lives; others create it. Denise Swanson is a natural diva—from her lovely blonde coif to her feathered boa. She's also a good sport about taking life as it comes. I asked her to be a guest blogger. She sent her copy immediately. Then I got the dates confused and didn't post it immediately. She was very understanding and agreed that I should post it now.


I'm delighted to (finally) welcome Denise to Meritorious Mysteries. You'll see why her Scumble River fans wait eagerly for the next installment. Her clever wit is obvious in her mysteries as well as in a blog post.







A Day in the Life of a Deadly Diva


This morning I woke up and my toy boy André was waiting at my bedside with my breakfast tray. After finishing a mocha half-caf soy latte, croissant, and the NYT crossword puzzle in ink, I entered my sumptuous bathroom where the maid had drawn my bath. I had to reprimand her because she had used the jasmine bath salts when I had clearly instructed her to use the gardenia on Tuesdays. Good help is so hard to find.

It took me quite a while to select an outfit from my extensive wardrobe, and then none of my three hundred pairs of shoes were exactly right, so I had Ferragamo send over a selection. Never one to waste time, I permitted my makeup artist and hairdresser to work their magic while I waited for the new stilettos to arrive.

I couldn’t believe that my agent was annoyed at me for being a measly hour late for our lunch date. A few tears, and he fell back in line, so I allowed him to buy me a bauble from Harry Winston to make up for upsetting me.

The afternoon was grueling. The limo that was supposed to take me to my book signing had generic bottled water instead of the Perrier that is in my contract. To top it off, the book store didn’t have the right pen—as if I’d use anything but a Monte Blanc.

Oh, wait a minute. You wanted reality not fantasy? Okay, here’s the real scoop.


I woke up to some acid rock music (my fault I forgot to check the radio station when I set the alarm) at the Holiday Inn Express. After fighting the shower curtain, which was overly fond of my behind, I managed to dry my hair into an approximate style, slap on some makeup, and find a pair of pants and top that weren’t too wrinkled from their time in my suitcase.

Then I staggered down to the breakfast buffet. Though the cinnamon buns were yummy, I really should have stuck to the Raisin Bran because the sweet rolls were certainly going to stick to me.

At 9:30 I grabbed my umbrella, bookmarks, raffle tickets, and the baskets we were giving away, and joined Heather Webber for the drive to our first event, Coffee with the Deadly Divas. Marcia Talley, Sara Rosett, Elizabeth Lynn Casey, and, fabulous author escort, Molly Weston were already there when we arrived. We spoke for an hour, signed books, and were on our way to the second event of the day by noon. Tea with the Deadly Divas was a repeat of the above, and after answering lots of questions we took a brief break at Molly’s house.

Soon we were off to have an amazing "Q and stew" supper, before hurrying to our evening event. A sea of chairs and five faces (six if you count the crazy guy in the back) greeted us. We put on our program for the third time that day, signed some books, then headed back to the hotel. It was ten o’clock when I collapsed on the bed, knowing I had to repeat this schedule the next day. And as I drifted off to sleep, I thanked God that that was the case. I wouldn’t trade the actual life of a Deadly Diva for anything.